We sometimes blindside our partners with unfair accusations. We assume the worst when situation seems unfavorable or unpalatable. We tend to look for facts that confirm our beliefs. If you are frustrated that your partner was supposed to be home 10 minutes ago, the automatic response is to think about all the other times your partner was late, and envision her chatting with friends and ignoring the time.
―Each of us makes assumptions in our relationships. These assumptions might originate from outside sources, like the media and our family and friends, which have been taken out of context, misread or blown out of proportion‖ said Ashley Thorn.
The dictionary definition of Assumption is; a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. One thing I’ve discovered is that; most of us tend to assume in our relationship beyond communication. The worst thing is that; we leverage more on the negative side. We conclude for our partners without even asking for their opinion.
Because we saw a movie where a lady was cheating with her driver, we assume our partner is doing the same thing with her driver because of their closeness. We see every opposite sex closer to our partner as the person they are cheating on us with. Our mind is basically prepared to think and assume the worse. Making assumptions can cause undue stress and drama, as well as destroy our relationships and even prevent us from having the kind of loving relationships we desire.
We make assumptions all the time to make sense of the world. We want to have something to hold unto. If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don’t understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions. Assumptions are made based on self-perception owing to the kind of information we feed on.
Sometimes dating partners feel the relationship won’t last because their friends faced heartbreak. Let‘s say you‘re annoyed with your partner. Do you assume they should know what they have done and expect them to be able to mind-read? Do you get further annoyed when they assume wrongly? If the answer is yes, then instead of assuming, judging and thinking the worse, talk to each other more. In every relationship, assumption should be replaced with dialogue (effective communication), learn to keep your mind off negative thought. Your mother might have been traumatized by men; it doesn’t mean men will treat you the same way.
Your past relationship may crumble because your partner was a cheat; it doesn’t automatically mean that; this new person will cheat on you. Give your partner benefit of doubt. Don’t assume you know what’s wrong with him/her until you’ve asked questions. Some even think their partners no longer care because they don’t text very early or they fail to perform their regular duties for a while.
Instead of assuming, why not ask him/her the reason for not doing the usual? Why not give room for effective communication?
Deal with assumption if truly you want a meaningful and lasting relationship